196104

Joke of the Day

"Alzheimer's can't be that bad You get a chance to meet new people every day."

"Saw some girl pull up to her mailbox, open her door & then fall entirely out of her car while reaching for the mail. JK It was me."

"Does the 5 second rule count for a baby? Asking for... Nevermind, her mom picked her up."

"Her: I told you! Two beers and you're home at 10! Him: Oh, it was this way around."

"I like to think my father is looking down from heaven and smiling, but he's actually at an Indian casino with his new wife."

"Why were the twin towers sad? Because they ordered pepperoni pizza but all they got was plane."

"WIFE: what's the name of that girl you work with? ME: which girl? WIFE: the pretty one ME: I feel like this is a trap"

"Just witnessed kids playing tag. What is this world coming to? Do their parents know they are outside, interacting, and getting exercise?"

"A psychiatrist diagnosed me with kleptomania. Now I'm taking things for it."

"""TGIM!"" - My liver"