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Joke of the Day

"I hate political jokes And it disgusts me that two are running for president."

"My mom pops out from under the table while I'm on a date. She's always been a good eater. You see her hips? Good hips. Stand up, show him-"

"What do you do when you're sunburned? Make like a banana and peel."

"Why don't crabs give to charities? They are shellfish."

"Thank you student loans, for getting me through college... I don't think I can ever repay you!"

"In my experience, less than 40% of people wearing ""Duke"" sweatshirts are actual dukes"

"Q: Why are the Harry Potter films unrealisitc? A: A ginger kid has 2 friends!"

"Just bought a Ken doll. I don't know what everyone's talking about, you can't read books on this thing."

"Why do you need to carry radioactive materials in sealed, lead containers? To stop it from falling out."

"Hanging out with Helen Keller always made me feel like such a hipster. She'd never heard of any of the bands I like."