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Joke of the Day

"My mom pops out from under the table while I'm on a date. She's always been a good eater. You see her hips? Good hips. Stand up, show him-"

"I keep my head held high because I know there's a beautiful deaf, mute & blind woman out there that's going to find me irresistible one day."

"Don't judge me until you've walked a mile with my shoes....shoved up your ass."

"Pretty gay how some dudes like other dudes."

"I could tell by the scowl on her face that her patience and botox were wearing thin."

"How was the red sea made? Over a very long period."

"I know the voices in my head aren't real but sometimes their ideas are just absolutely awesome!"

"If by ""physically fit"" you mean that I am going to physically fit this entire cupcake into my mouth then yes."

"Knock knock Who's there? Owls . . . Owls who? Yes they do"

"What's black and brown and looks good on a lawyer? A Doberman."