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Joke of the Day

"Hanging out with Helen Keller always made me feel like such a hipster. She'd never heard of any of the bands I like."

"Did you hear about the Polak who won a Gold medal in the Olympics? He was so proud he took it home and had it bronzed."

"I'm bored. If I were a man I would be scratching my balls right now."

"My neighbors thought the tombstones in my yard were festive until they saw their pets' names scrawled on them."

"on fire The chief of the fire department walks into the room where the other firemen wait and says: ""Take it easy boys, the Tax Office is on fire."""

"How many Astros fans does it take to screw in a lightbulb? Both of them."

"Q: Why can't Obama poke fun at himself? A: Because that would be racist."

"Why did the Pilgrims create Thanksgiving? They wanted another excuse to watch football."

"It's a real shame Friday doesn't come as quick as I do"

"When I say I go to the gym religiously, that usually means every christmas and easter."