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Joke of the Day

"When in doubt, ignore an unknown number on your mobile, never hit Reply All, and always wear clothes when you step out of your house."

"A gay couple and a lesbian couple check into a hotel. Which couple leaves first the following morning? The women. Lesbians leave lickety split. Gay guys have to pack their shit first."

"Why cant you trust stairs? they are always up to something..."

"Are people with OCD upset that those letters aren't in alphabetical order?"

"The Windows Update reminder to restart your computer is like a little kid. You tell it that you'll restart later, so it goes away, then it pops up again in two minutes and says ""Ok, it's later!""."

"Two peanuts are walking down the street... one's assaulted."

"I had a really big shit the other day. It was a real pain in the ass."

"What do you call a woman that is beautiful and smart? An actress."

"She blinded me with Science. Okay, it was pepper spray."

"By not having a 160 character limit, we are missing out on all the good tweets that have 141 through 160 characters. It's science."