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Joke of the Day

"By not having a 160 character limit, we are missing out on all the good tweets that have 141 through 160 characters. It's science."

"Me:Everything you know about me is a lie.Coworker:So you didnt dance naked in the fountain at the mall?Me: Everything other than that."

"A wise man once said, a cheating wife is like a deck of playing cards... You need a heart to love her A diamond to marry her A club to smash her fucking head in And a spade to bury the bitch..."

"How do you tell a male chromosome from a female chromosome? You pull down its genes!"

"When you are hit in the... - ball boy https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rMMFHcRSjR8"

"Hey beautiful, is your Dad in prison? Because if I was your Father I would be.."

"Some cats just sit there looking at you like you owe them money."

"I dream about sleeping with Michael J. Fox I bet he's a really good vibrator."

"America is there land of opportunity, where if you work hard enough, you can make the business owners rich."

"My girlfriend broke up with me because she and I had different opinions. My opinion was that I was worth dating."