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Joke of the Day

"My girlfriend and I were arguing and she asked me to see things from her point of view So I went to the kitchen and looked out the window."

"What do you call it when you fuck a teenager with a bottle of hot sauce? Srirachatory rape."

"Invite everyone you know over for dinner. Set the table really fancy. Serve 6 courses that are just mayonnaise in different bowls/plates"

"What's the difference between a whore and a prostitute? Capitalism."

"*couple's marriage begins to fall apart* *marriage counselor blows on them like an N64 cartridge* Okay how about now"

"It's the little differences that can be the most important. For example, the difference between getting laid at your high-school reunion and getting laid at your family reunion."

"So a lady with Parkinson's orders a grande decaf peppermint soy latte no whip and I forgot to put the lid on."

"Anytime there's food in front of my face I always eat it even if I'm not hungry. That's why I could never be a gynecologist."

"I like to think that every time I press the dislike button, Pandora sends an email to the artist. Take that, Beethoven!"

"What is a vampire's favorite fruit? a Neck-tarine --From a great co-worker"