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Joke of the Day

"What do you call a blind german? A not see"

"My GF and I would kick ass at the newlywed game. I know 100% of her answers to questions is "" I don't know""."

"I've always wanted to own a funeral home.... With the slogan, ""We love it when business is dead."""

"What did the large furry mammal say when the salamander who kept asking for favors went too far? I can't bear it! You axolotl of me this time!"

"me: siri, clear my evening appointments, i've got a date tonight. siri: ""lol yeah ok. beep boop beep. gotcha."""

"How can you tell when a Jew is pissed? They begin menschstrating"

"Turkey Is going to get served very soon"

"Monday morning, still sore from my run and all I have at work is acetaminophen, meaning if I take it I can't drink until like 11AM."

"What's the hardest part about being a pedophile? Fitting in...."

"I mentioned my back pain to my dad in passing today. His reply? ""At least it's all behind you."""