168614
Joke of the Day
"How can you tell when a Jew is pissed? They begin menschstrating"
Next Joke
"""Say hello to my little friend"" Great Movie Quote. Terrible bedroom talk."
"Why do children have middle names? So they *know for sure* that they are in deep shit."
"Name your child autocorrect, because eventually they'll just finish your sentences and correct you every chance they get too."
"What does blue paint taste like? Exactly like red paint!"
"Gave my cat some almond milk and now she teaches hot yoga on Thursday nights."
"Cat: Meow Me: Hi Cat: Meoww *picks up cat* Cat: Meowww *puts cat down* Cat: Meowwww *feeds cat* Cat: Meowwwww Me: WHAT DO YOU WANT?"
"I hate when I think of a great tweet and discover someone did it already. It's like that time I invented the wheelbarrow."
"I always arrive late at the office... ... But I make up for it by leaving early."
"[NSFW] My wife and I kept on arguing about who should be on top of whom during sex. Now I'm not saying I won, but I came out on top"