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Joke of the Day

"Comcast: ""Would you like to upgrade your Internet service to include cable?"" Me: ""No thanks, the illegal downloading has that base covered."""

"Me: You're the only one who truly gets me. Chipotle guy: What? Me: I said chicken. Chicken burrito."

"I was going to have sex with my xbox but.. It made me microsoft"

"How can you smuggle 500 Jews across the border in one car? In an ash tray"

"A door walks into a bar The bartender asks, ""Why the long face?"" The door responds, ""I'm off my hinges."""

"Mary had a little lamb.. And then she had a very large kebab."

"It's been five minutes since Adobe asked me to install an update. I hope they didn't go out of business or something."

"Could Jesus make a nerd so nerdy that even he couldn't resist giving him a wedgie?"

"How many Californians does it take to change a lightbulb? Hella. How long does it take them? Days."

"If twitter isn't a drug then someone please explain to me why I sneak into the bathroom at work to use it."