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Joke of the Day

"Me: You're the only one who truly gets me. Chipotle guy: What? Me: I said chicken. Chicken burrito."

"My dad asked why i have a gun in my house Is said because of the decepticons, i laughed, my dad laughed, the toaster laughed, i shot the toaster, it was a good night."

"Why couldn't the alligator send e-mails on his PC? Because it was on old croc."

"I had a crazy dream that I weighed less than a thousandth of a gram. I was like, 0mg!"

"My old car is a great investment It doubles in value every time I fill the gas tank."

"I got asked how I view lesbian relationships.. Apparently HD wasn't the correct answer."

"What is your best lawyer joke? I need some new material for the court house."

"What do you call an epileptic having a fit in a deck-chair? A Transformer! (Literally my favourite joke of all time.)"

"R.I.P to my good friend Brian Eaten by a pack of dyslexic zombies."

"How many r/jokes redditors does it take to change a lightbulb? Answer is 2. One to change the lightbulb while the other screams ""REPOST"""