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Joke of the Day

"I joined a cribbage cult recently They practice peggin' rituals"

"I watched this documentary the other day but I didn't like it... ...because it was absolutely incredible."

"My Ebola outbreak brings the CDC to the yard and they're like, sir that's just irritable bowel syndrome."

"Wait, I forget, what's the national pastime? Is it baseball or worrying about Jennifer Aniston's happiness?"

"There's no such thing as the funny bone... But I heard the upper arm is quite humerus."

"Why did the lizard take viagra? He suffered from a reptile disfunction."

"If you hear one of the high piano keys repeating slowly, you're either watching a trailer for a horror movie, or you are a parent."

"What do you call a car that grants wishes A Lamborgenie"

"My idiot friend wanted to get into porn. He heard that the camera adds ten pounds."

"[2 years after going missing at zoo] wife: [points at TV] ""omg thats him"" me: [on the news inside kangaroos pouch] ""why is noone helping me"""