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Joke of the Day

"If you hear one of the high piano keys repeating slowly, you're either watching a trailer for a horror movie, or you are a parent."

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"A priests asks the convicted murderer at the electric chair, ""Do you have any last requests?"" ""Yes,"" replies the murderer. ""Can you please hold my hand?"""
"What do you call someone who sticks his right hand in shark's mouths? Lefty!"
"What was the yacht doing while it played heavy metal music? Dokken"
"Tell me you love me. Then get in the kitchen, make me a sandwich and let me play my video games so I know it's real"
"""Hi I'm here to interview for the branch manager position."" ""We're only hiring tree trimmers."" ""That's exactly what I just said."""
"Went to take my dog with no legs for a walk in the park... now its a dragon."
"Google Glass is the Segway of eyes."
"I am a janitor... They call me Dwayne ""The Smock"" Johnson."
"What not to do on a first date: ask what gender they are."