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Joke of the Day

"If you hear one of the high piano keys repeating slowly, you're either watching a trailer for a horror movie, or you are a parent."

"Where do you weigh a whale? At a whale weigh station"

"Child in a car: Strap them to the seat or you will be fined and jailed. Bus full of children: They'll be fine just throw em in there."

"Sandwich walk into a bar/ The bartender said, sorry, we don't serve food."

"Did you know that the 16th presidency had the best records kept? I think they were called the Lincoln Logs."

"Why don't monkeys gamble in the jungle? There are too many cheetahs."

"I like my steak how I like my women Tinder-ized."

"I had explosive diarrhea On the bight side i started the year with a bang"

"Getting my dachshund teardrop tattoos & rebranding him Lil Wein."

"A doctor was listening to a teenage girl's heart ""All right,"" he said, ""take big breaths."" ""What?"" she said. ""Big breaths!"" ""Yeth!"" she said. ""And I'm only thixteen!"""