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Joke of the Day

"A 'red list' of endangered species has been released. It includes 'literate people on Facebook' and 'monogamous footballers'."

"""The bond's Name. James Name"" Pleased to... what? ""Bond Name's the james"" Are you alright? ""Bames Nond's having a stronk, call a Bondulance"""

"If I'm ever being chased by a giraffe I'm gonna run into a place with low ceiling fans sorry giraffe but I gotta do what's best for me"

"Play Mambo No. 5 at my funeral even if you have to fight my family"

"I listened to my friend and bought an air filtration unit now it's just collecting dust in my basement."

"I don't have Instagram, so I thought you guys should know I had Starbucks this morning. The cup was super cool looking. I also saw a rainbow"

"I'll never forget what my grandad said before he kicked the bucket ""Watch me kick that bucket"""

"God came to earth to look for robbers who worshipped him ... But found most of them atheist."

"[11am] Me: oh look, it's sunny out. Me: I should go running. Me: or swimming! Me: these Doritos are delicious."

"What did the victims of a month-delayed April Fool's prank feel? Dismay."