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Joke of the Day

"GHOST: I'm here to warn you to change your ways before it's too late POLTERGEIST: I'ma open your cupboards"

"Your Costco ID photo shows you what you'd look like if you were a meth addict."

"We have a saying in Germany. It is better to have loved and lost than to engage in a land war with Russia in the winter."

"There is always that one person you want to punch for no reason every-time you see them."

"A bird pooped on my head today...Am I gonna die? I mean, I'm kinda worried about getting sick from it but mostly I hope this made someone's day."

"Peter Pan and the Lost Boys are actually the souls of aborted kids That explains Captain Hook"

"I bought a fancy new clock radio today. It cost me alarm and a leg."

"I want to press charges on Santa If he knows when I'm sleeping, and he knows when I'm awake, that has to be considered stocking."

"My physics teacher told me I had potential. Then he threw me off the roof."

"I like my woman how I like my burritos Wet"