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Joke of the Day

"What are a gorilla's favorite months? Ape-ril and Bananuary"

"Just found out my wife has cooties. I'm headed to the clinic to get tested. So many emotions right now"""

"I'm convinced that people are now just getting married and having babies to have something to post on FB"

"How did Skrillex get Potassium Hydroxide all over the floor? He dropped the base."

"Party Tip: At a 3-year-old's birthday party, you can piss all over the bathroom. ALL OVER!!!! Nobody will suspect you."

"If he asks you to be his girlfriend say yes and then hide from him so he can never break up with you."

"ME: I want the car's brake lines to rust SCIENTIST: I'm listening ME: [slides over envelope full of cash] But make it look like an oxidant"

"You heard the rumor going around about butter? Never mind, I shouldn't spread it..."

"What is the difference between a peeping tom and a pick pocket? A pickpocket snatches watches"

"Why does Dr. Pepper come in bottles? Because his wife is dead."