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Joke of the Day

"When I have to put on one of those thick leather weightlifter belts to take a shit, I know it's time to eat a vegetable."

"Why does Al Gore hate Oil Spills? they get all over the sheets."

"4 lawyers died in a car crash. Oops, sorry, wasn't supposed to put the punchline in the title."

"It doesn't matter how windy it is or how fast you run, dogs make terrible kites."

"Are people with googly eyes better at searching for stuff?"

"What do you call a person of Irish and Asian descent? Rice Paddy. - Edit: Credit goes to my nickname from some clever fucker classmate when I was a kid."

"I would never cheat in a relationship because that would require two people finding me attractive."

"The worst things in life are free, too. Like, gonorrhea, chapped elbows and flyers left on your windshield."

"When you ask me a question, would you prefer the blank stare or the eye roll as a response? I like to be prepared."

"Think what you will about Obama, But so far he's the best black president we've ever had."