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Joke of the Day

"What do you call a person of Irish and Asian descent? Rice Paddy. - Edit: Credit goes to my nickname from some clever fucker classmate when I was a kid."

"Catch her by her waist... Bring her home.. Keep ur hand on her neck Put ur lips on her lips & have a ... ...nice drink...PEPSI"

"What do you call a fat psychic? A large. (Because medium)"

"A horror movie with all black people lmao ""Ayo what's going down in ya basement?"" ""That ain't my business"" ""I feel ya"" *Rolls credits*"

"Emma Stone is my girlfriend. Nobody tell her, though. I want it to be a surprise."

" You're born. You grow up. You believe in Santa. You stop believing in Santa. You look like Santa. You are Santa. You die."

"Used parachute for sale. Only used once, never been opened."

"Eminem's ""8 Mile"" wasn't very well received in Canada I guess the title ""12.8748 Kilometer"" just isn't as catchy."

"I can sum up 2016 in one word... Nine."

"I should probably eat this entire bag of Oreos tonight since they're going to expire in 2017."