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Joke of the Day

"WIFE: ""You look tired honey. How about a nice steak mashed potatoes and an apple pie for dessert?"" HUSBAND: ""No thanks. I'm too tired. Let's just eat at home."""

"[puts baby in highchair] Ohhh HIGH chair, I get it. That explains why all you do is eat, sleep & drool you stupid little stoner."

"Steve Buscemi makes me regret buying a high definition tv."

"Oh that's neat so you're a Cancer? Wait...astrologically or to society?"

"Americans think of Canada as a United States cover band."

"{At funeral} *holding widows hand* I'm sorry for your loss. He had so much updog ""What's updog?"" *pats her hand* Not much what's up with you"

"So I told a premature baby joke at an open mic night but I don't think the crowd liked it. Apparently it was too soon"

"Why don't kids like cheesy jokes? ... they're too mature for their taste"

"Have you heard about Samsung's new video game based on the Galaxy Note 7? They're calling it Mass Defect."

"What do you call a fat guy, from New Orleans, that never tells the truth? A jambo-laya. Thanks for coming out, I'll be here till Thursday."