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Joke of the Day

"So I told a premature baby joke at an open mic night but I don't think the crowd liked it. Apparently it was too soon"

"i started carrying a knife on me after an attempted mugging three years ago. since then, my mugging attempts have been much more successful."

"did you hear about the new fruit powered motor? it runs on apples but it still mangoes"

"Where is a tornado put in jail to be punished? -In a high pressure cell"

"What do you call a room full of Amish prostitutes? A furry fish market."

"25% of the women in this country are on medication for mental illness. That's scary... It means 75% are running around untreated."

"Empty out and clean a mace container. Fill with water Stare into the eyes of your enemies as you spray your own eyes and never blink"

"How many flies does it take to screw in a light bulb? Two! But don't ask me how they got inside there."

"Red Bull gives you wings... Unless you're a unicorn. If you're a unicorn Red Bull gives you fins. .... Please tell me at least *someone* got that obscure punchline."

"Remember back in the day when your TV wouldn't work so you'd bang it a few times? I tried that with my dishwasher and she ended up pregnant."