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Joke of the Day

"Mascara in my hair-check, hairspray in my eye-check, lipstick on my shirt-check...I'm ready to start this wonderful Monday"

"Million Dollar Idea: A pot pie. Only bigger. And filled instead with fruit. Apples perhaps."

"Two condoms are walking down the street... And they pass a gay bar. One condom turns to the other and asks ""hey wanna get shit faced?"""

"if you're in a sports bar but don't understand sports just keep repeating the phrase ""damn they gotta get him the ball."" everyone will agree"

"Her: I <3 you. Me: I... I sideways balls you too."

"Pretentious? Moi?"

"ENTER PASSWORD password YOUR PASSWORD IS TOO LITERAL PLEASE TRY AGAIN again ARE YOU KIDDING ME RIGHT NOW"

"My toddler appears to know a magic spell to transform any space into a Hoarders episode."

"What does Saddam Hussein and little Miss Moffat have in common? They both had curds/Kurds in their whey/way!"

"I'm surrounded by sex addicts & alcoholics. So glad I found y'all."