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Joke of the Day

"Million Dollar Idea: A pot pie. Only bigger. And filled instead with fruit. Apples perhaps."

"9 just turned the toaster all the way up and basically made charcoal for breakfast, so I'm ordering new furniture with his college fund."

"I got my kid a cat as a present, but it died before X-mas... Now I'm stuck taking care of a cat"

"Happy Mothers Day to all of the moms out there! Scared you didn't I?"

"I was walking though a forest With a young girl the other night and she said ""I'm scared"" I said ""Your scared, I've gotta walk back on my own"""

"i just found the HOTTEST porn video: ""girl uses logic during argument"". oh god, i'm gonna nut just typing thissssssfjdksfjsjfa.........."

"Why did Kermit the Frog split with Ms. Piggy? Because she wouldn't rub it rub it. (blame Happy International Bacon Day)"

"Planned to go to Thailand for my vaca this year but after hearing about the ladyboys I thought Phuket"

"""Keep pumping until something happens."" -Home Depot guy teaching me to prime the snow blower says the first thing I've understood."

"Last night I had a dream that I was a muffler. I woke up exhausted."