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Joke of the Day

"STOP PUTTING SIRENS IN MUSIC FOR PETE'S SAKE! I let my hair down & undid two buttons before i realized i wasn't getting pulled over!"

"Your momma's so ugly... ... that on Halloween, the kids give their candy to *her*!"

"What's a pirates favorite letter? It's the C"

"Why does government matter? It doesn't."

"A three-legged dog walks into a bar. ""I'm lookin' fer the man that shot my paw"""

"And I thought I had issues. - Me, 36 seconds after signing up on twitter."

"The moment when you realise that you've just lost 10 seconds of your life. [Your life]^1^0^s^e^c^o^n^d^s"

"America needs to build a statue of the man who killed Hitler"

"[unzips fannypack filled with jellybeans and some fall out] Dammit [bends over to pick them up and the rest spill out] DAMMIT"

"What sexual position guarantees the ugliest baby? Go ask your mother"