158360

Joke of the Day

"A doctor amputated a hand on a patient and the doctor said to the patient ""on the other hand... you aren't disabled"""

"My daughter forgot to bring her lunch to school today. It was delicious."

"Vader: I AM your father. Luke: Why are you telling me this now? Vader: Luke: Vader: I need a kidney."

"What did the unused dough say to the baker? Why don't you knead me?"

"what does Dr Watson says to his flatmate when he's constipated? no shit, Sherlock"

"I bought some shoes from my pill dealer on Friday. I don't know what he laced them with, but I was tripping all weekend."

"Why are homosexuals so well dressed? Because they didn't just spend all that time in the closet doing nothing..."

"If you don't consider yourself a terrible person, you're likely a horrific person."

"What's the hardest part to eat on a vegetable? The wheelchair"

"[at Eminem show] Cuz I am / whatever you say I am / [from crowd] ""Ur a pony! Ur a tablecloth!"" The shapeshifting continues for hours."