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Joke of the Day

"Kid: Waaaahhhhh! MY TOY IS BROKEN! Dad: Nothing a little duct tape can't fix. Kid: mrnm... mmrm.. rnmr..."

"So the batteries in my flashlight ran out... You'd think I'd be sad, but really I was delighted."

"Sitting while wearing shorts is a fun way to make your thighs look like they escaped sausage casing."

"Here's a mind bender my 8 year old son came up with: Why are trees green? For camouflage."

"What did Iron say to Silver after 30 years? You haven't AG-ed a bit."

"Doctors in the 40's used to prescribe orgasms to stressed women. Which seems pretty liberal until you realize he used his hand to do it."

"I spent 20 minutes at the gym trying to untangle my headphones...I'm done..my arms are killing me!"

"What did the FLAC say? I'm an audiophile"

"How many blondes does it take to fix a lightbulb? A lot, because they're fucking stupid."

"Really wanted the day off, so I text my boss Me: I can't come in today. I'm sick Boss: How sick are you? Me: Well I'm currently in bed with my sister......"