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Joke of the Day

"What do rodents say when they play bingo ? 'Eyes down for a full mouse' !"

"I'm having an increasing fear of New Year songs. Must be Ole Langxiety."

"What is the best vegetable delivery vehicle in the world? An ambulance"

"How do you spell Canada? C-Eh?-N-Eh?-D-Eh?"

"I think my virginity is growing back."

"If you ever feel unattractive, just remember that you look like your ancestors, and Hey, All of them got laid."

"ME: *trying to fit in* I ALSO don't fly. PENGUINS: *shuffling about while trying to keep their distance* ZOOKEEPER: Sir, get out of the pen."

"I'm gonna start following my cat to the litter box and sit in her lap while she takes a shit"

"I don't enjoy winning against The God of Thunder... He is always a Thor loser."

"[wife walks in on me showering] ""Why are you wearing swim trunks?"" No reason. [she glares at me] SO MY TEMPORARY TATTOOS DON'T COME OFF OKAY"