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Joke of the Day

"I don't care if you stop reading after 80 characters. I'm using all 140, even if what I say makes no sense at all. Oh also, your mom's a who"

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"Unless you can explain how you know me in three words or less, Facebook Friend Request: DENIED."
"I just hired a private investigator to find out what I do all day."
"Are we sure this new planet isn't just Pluto wearing a wig?"
"The key to comedy? Perfect del ivery"
"Raise your index and middle finger and ask... ""Why should a woman allways masturbate with those two fingers?"" Answer: ""Because they are mine."""
"Whats the difference between America and Yogurt? If you leave Yogurt alone for 200 years, it develops a culture."
"I recently started smoking... It was all dunhill from there"
"A Man to a lady sitting next to him in flight. Man: ""Which perfume do you use ? It smells good. I want to buy one for my wife."" Lady: ""Please don't. Some idiot will have an excuse to talk to her."""
"Nicki Minaj, Donald Trump, hoverboards, North Korea.... Oh wait, this *is* the place to post jokes, right?"