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Joke of the Day

"Unless you can explain how you know me in three words or less, Facebook Friend Request: DENIED."

"Who was the least funny U.S. President? FDR. His standup could use some work."

"Want to hear a pizza joke? Nevermind it's too cheesy."

"Valentine man I knew him, you see, This certain young man, And that is why I saw him and ran. In the plan of the ages This tragedy is That I should be An acquaintance of his."

"How many sound technicians does it take to screw in a lightbulb? One....Two...One, Two..."

"wish I never spent that $20 my grandma gave me when I was 12, I could really use it right now"

"god: behold, my creatio-- people: some rocks are more important than others god: what? people: i would literally kill for the yellow rock"

"Baby, I would run into a burning building from you."

"Why isn't your nose 12 inches long? Because then it would be a foot"

"when i end emails with best, talia it is not abbreviated well-wishes, but letting you know that i am the best talia."