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Joke of the Day

"An old lady at an ATM asked me if I could help her check her balance... So I pushed her over."

"For the record ladies, your insecurities about your bodies is a bigger turn off to guys than your bodies ever could be."

"I really dislike my CW, so everyday I steal a Kleenex from her desk. In about 500 days, she's gonna be pissed."

"Someone just called for cleanup in the dairy aisle but I'm the only one here so I dropped the jug of milk I was holding and ran"

"Accidentally pooped my pants in the elevator.. I'm taking this shit to a whole new level."

"Light a fire for a man and keep him warm for a day. Light a man on fire and keep him warm for the rest of his life."

"A guy walks into the psychiatrists office where I work wearing nothing but Saran Wrap undies... The psychiatrist said, ""I can clearly see you're nuts!"""

"If there's one thing Trump should have learned from history... It's that the theater has NEVER been a safe space for presidents."

"Ay' girl,is your dad a terrorist Cause you re da bomb"

"The thing about boats... If we don't bow, everyone gets stern."