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Joke of the Day

"[after 20 minutes of awkward silence in the sauna] ""This isn't the bathroom is it"""

"User interface? I hardly even know her!"

"What's stronger, fifty watts of sound or fifty watts of light? I don't care but would you please stop screaming, turning the lights on and off."

"My grandpa was one of the Holocaust survivors... But then again, most guards survived."

"Did you read the book ""Rusty Bedsprings"" by I. P. Nightly"

"What do you do if a bird shits on your car? Don't ask her out again."

"Damn girl, are you Chile? ""Why, because I'm tall and thin?"" ""No, because you make my vagina as dry as the Atacama desert."""

"How can you tell that your waitress is having a bad day? She has a tampon behind her ear and she can't find her pencil."

"Kissed a receipt to lighten my lipstick but I need it to return something & now some cashier is gonna think I'm flirting."

"What I don't understand is, how did Jabba the Hutt become so powerful? He's just a fat, lecherous crook. Wait"