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Joke of the Day

"My biggest fear is getting a 200 page email that ends with ""Thoughts?"""

"This hating of people breastfeeding in public should really stop. I can raise my cat any way I want to."

"Me: How are you feeling Grandpa? Grandpa: Oh you know with my hands mostly."

"Sarcasm so good, they think you're being nice."

"I'm the last one on Earth... My diet is now peanut butter, honey please come back."

"Suicide: Mans way of telling God - ""You can't fire me, I quit""."

"[Home invasion] Me: isn't there anything ELSE you want to take? Burglar: lady I told you I'm married"

"According to science... Apaprnlety hmoosxeulas aer brililnat at unscarbmnlig snetnecse."

"What's the difference between Adolf Hitler and Usain Bolt? Usain Bolt can actually finish a race."

"If women ruled the world do you think missiles would be shaped differently?"