113525

Joke of the Day

"PSYCHOLOGIST: [holding up inkblot] wat do u see ME: a outdated discredited method with no scientific backing PSYCHOLOGIST: [starts sweating]"

"Why do we have to listen to a 45 second instructional to leave someone a voice mail? Beep, talk. We get it, condescending cell companies."

"I'll never forget my grandpa's final words, ""stop shaking the ladder you cunt."""

"They called themselves geologists because stoners was already taken."

"Pilot: ""What does this button do?"" *intercom turns on* Pilot: ""Doesn't do anything. Not sure what any of these buttons do."""

"I gave every penny I had to the homeless guy the other day! Now I just have 20 $100 bills in my purse!"

"How do you make a Giraffe go to war? You Giraffed it"

"What is Mozart doing right now? Decomposing."

"Australian joke I just heard An Australian kiss is like a French kiss only it's... down under."

"*stealthily lowers myself from the ceiling into co-worker's office *sprays breath freshener into his mouth before the meeting *retracts"