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Joke of the Day
"What did Glenn say to Maggie at the baseball game? I'll keep an eye out for you!"
Next Joke
"[wakes up from a 15 year coma] sweet, x files still goin strong"
"Life is stupid. You can ACCIDENTALLY make a baby but you can't ACCIDENTALLY make a cake."
"A smoke detector is a sophisticated device designed to inform you that your smoke alarm is working. But seriously keep your batteries in it people. If you don't you'll die, maybe."
"On your mark, get set, go f*ck yourself."
"My aunt is trying to convince me that I'm gonna have kids. I named my kittens lunchbox and cocaine Steve. No one is gonna let me have a kid."
"Pressing A too fast and having to talk to the Pokemon Center's nurse again was by far the worst part of my childhood."
"I'm starting to think my neighbor is a drug dealer... for one, he has like 10 cellphones... and secondly, he sells me drugs like everyday."
"ME: My cat isn't overweight; she's just big-boned VET: This is a dog"
"What Disease Do You Get When You Have Sex With Harry Potter? Hogwarts."