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Joke of the Day

"Ex: Do you ever think of someone else when we have sex? Me: No, it's always George Clooney."

"You never know how many people are out jogging early in the morning till you back out of your driveway with frost covered windows."

"How much credibility is there in that whole ""you can punch yourself handsome"" theory? Asking for a friend."

"I'd say 6:30 is the best time on a clock. Hands down."

"The Great Yarn Race **Joe:** Did you hear about the great yarn race? **Jane:** No. Who won? **Joe:** Well, they had to weave their selves through the obstacles and in the end, it was a tie."

"According to the second law of thermodynamics, you're supposed to share your hotness with me."

"Counted five pregnant women at this Noah matinee. Praying their water doesn't break."

"How did Jesus feel when they crucified him? He was cross."

"What do polar bears have for lunch ? Ice burger !"

"9*picking his nose* wife:Get your finger out of your nose! me [alone in the bedroom] *takes finger out of nose* *whispers* How did she know?"