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Joke of the Day

"How did Jesus feel when they crucified him? He was cross."

"[in Walmart] ""Excuse me, do you have towels?"" ""Oh, I don't work here."" [leans in close] ""I don't give a shit where you work."""

"Which beer did the flower drink that made it realize that it was smarter when it was young? Budweiser"

"[Evan]: This new hair product is the best [Brad]: Yeah. Check out Jack still using mousse [Jack]: *with Bullwinkle on his head* Shut up guys"

"Ibuprofenum and Aspirin are running in a race... Suddenly prednisolone passes them and wins first place. Ibuprofenum looks toward Aspirin and mutters: ""fucking steroids"""

"There's an Italian town where pasta is a currency A penne for their thoughts."

"The Italian faucet.... When it drips it goes wopwopwopwopwopwopwopwop."

"Will I be able to drink with these? - First question when prescribed meds"

"I'm going to kiss every guy I see with a ""Kiss me, I'm Irish"" shirt in hopes that they'll never wear that shirt again."

"If I were gonna give advice about how to survive leaving your phone at home, it would be this: stare at something else. I chose a weird baby"