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Joke of the Day

"I watched a gang bang video involving several bus drivers and one woman. She looked bored for half an hour, then suddenly they all came at the same time."

"They said I had a small penis, but they'll see. They'll ALL see! Nevermind actually, that's illegal"

"My girlfriends parents are very religious. The first time I was at their house her father said we weren't allowed to sleep together. It was a bit of a shame, he was very attractive."

"My grandpa has the heart of a lion, And a lifetime ban from the zoo."

"A bad thing about living in Switzerland. The flag is a big plus, but that just adds to the problem. (I did not create the first part, but i decided to *add* the last part to the joke)"

"""You're free now"" I say to my stomach as I unbutton my pants."

"Wife: ""Tony is coming round"" Me: ""Charity collector Tony or Mafia boss Tony?"" Tony: ""I'm here for the money."" *DRAMATIC CLIFFHANGER*"

"A gift card that only allows the user to purchase more gift cards until they finally go insane."

"I've made friends on Twitter I never would've met in real life, and I wouldn't trade them for anything less than $200."

"Masturbation is like procrastination It feels good when you're doing it, but afterwards, you realized you fucked yourself"