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Joke of the Day

"Wife: ""Tony is coming round"" Me: ""Charity collector Tony or Mafia boss Tony?"" Tony: ""I'm here for the money."" *DRAMATIC CLIFFHANGER*"

"A lawyer and a boulder are dropped from a cliff at the same time. Which hits the ground first? Who cares?"

"Why are radios cheaper in Scotland? Because the boxes are battered and and the speakers are fried."

"I'm teaching 7 it's ok for a man to cry, & it's also ok for a man to jump on a table, scream and throw coins at a spider."

"""Siri, why am I single?"" Siri: opens front face camera"

"*shows up at your work* ""Hi, it's me. From the internet."""

"Just saw a billboard: $586.25 Complete cremation. 1) Is there partial cremation? 2) What's the 25cents for?"

"Naming your cat ""Whiskers"" is like naming your kid ""Eyebrows."""

"I'd give my wife my coat if she's cold but I'll take it back if I become cold and maybe she'll be prepared next time we go out."

"[marriage counselling] Her: he always thinks he's talking to me on CB radio Me: I don't, over Her: It's over Me: It's what? Over"