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Joke of the Day

"My girlfriends parents are very religious. The first time I was at their house her father said we weren't allowed to sleep together. It was a bit of a shame, he was very attractive."

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"Why do Congo gamers refuse to play with Belgians? They're afraid of getting owned"
"What do bullets and I have in common? We don't miss Harambe."
"The REAL reason Bin Laden was buried at sea: Maggots have standards."
"A haiku to my boss who asked me to work this weekend: Ha ha ha ha ha Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha Ha ha ha ha no"
"if you watch the titanic backwards hundreds of disgusting sea zombies come together as a community and rebuild an old ship"
"I went to the zoo. So I went to the zoo last week. It was such a bad experience. I paid 20 bucks and there was only 1 animal there. A dog. It was a shit zoo."
"Remember when everyone died before gluten-free bread?"
"My 8-year-old just offered me leftover cashews from his lunch, asking ""Do you want these nuts?"" and I'm not mature enough to be a parent."
"Police arrested two kids yesterday One was drinking battery acid, the other one eating fireworks. They carged one - and let the other one off."