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Joke of the Day

"Text me once, shame on you. Text me twice, congratulations, we are now trapped in an infinite emotional prison."

"Marriage is like a card game. At first, you have two Hearts and a Diamond, but at the end, you'll want a Club and a Spade."

"Did you hear about the discounts at Darth Maul? I heard they're going to cut the sales by half"

"Why do North Korean statesmen make for bad lovers? Because they won't hold a public erection."

"How many pepes does it take to change a lightbulb? One."

"What sucks about being black and jewish? You gotta stand at the back of the oven! Edit: I was at an [7] when typing this and fucked it up. It is better now. oven was bus. Changed bus to oven."

"According to science... Apaprnlety hmoosxeulas aer brililnat at unscarbmnlig snetnecse."

"if ur date declines a kiss at the end of the night open ur mouth and let the ants escape. Then say ""it's ok I had a mouthful of ants anyway"""

"Wear green for St Patty's Day! You don't wanna get punched! -You mean pinched [flashback to the 6 people I punched earlier] It's pinched?"

"When do clocks die? When their time is up."