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Joke of the Day
"Why do North Korean statesmen make for bad lovers? Because they won't hold a public erection."
Next Joke
"My iPhone is currently updating so I have to tweet from my computer like some Ethiopian kid."
"Can a kangaroo jump higher than a house? Of course, a house doesn't jump at all"
"What's the longest you've ever stared at your phone without glancing up to look at the road while driving? For me it's three weeks."
"I murdered a load of Jehovah's at church today. Don't worry, I left no witnesses."
"*Neighbor text - Sorry for using your wife. Use only when you're not at home* *Shoots Wife* *Neighbor text again - I mean 'Wifi' not wife*"
"What is the name of a taxi service for bears? Ubear."
"Joke of the day Doctor! You've got to help me! Nobody ever listens to me. No one ever pays any attention to what I have to say. Doctor: Next please!"
"Why is the galley the safest place to be on a capsizing ship? Because everything but the kitchen sinks. =D ^(I feel dirty)"
"They say Republicans are toxic and Democrats are stupid. And they're right. Just kidding they're fags."