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Joke of the Day

"Marriage is like a card game. At first, you have two Hearts and a Diamond, but at the end, you'll want a Club and a Spade."

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"Congratulations! You successfully delivered that bell with no chips or chunks of it breaking off. Please see us to receive your... No Bell Piece Prize"
"sighs ""always the predator, never the prey..."""
"How does Pinocchio's father know when his son tells a lie? He just nose it."
"I made a gun in the style of a social justice warrior It has too many triggers though."
"I got mugged yesterday... The mugger said, ""Give me your money or you're science."" I said, ""Don't you mean history?"" He said, ""Don't try and change the subject."""
"What is Grammar? The difference between knowing your shit, and knowing you're shit."
"The greatest trick the devil ever pulled was convincing the world that Subway is healthy."
"[two atoms side-to-side on a DNA chain] ""Hi."" ""Hi. U look familiar. Were u on A3564 before it went supernova?"" ""Yes."" ""U still owe me $20."""
"Q: How do you confuse a blonde? A: Ask her to alphabetize a bag of M&Ms."