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Joke of the Day

"A joke is a lot like a dick A feminist cant take either"

"There is a mile long line of cars stopped ahead, but go ahead and honk at the guy in front of you. It might help."

"TIL the current Prime Minister of of Canada has a tattoo, and is in a cover band called the Van Cats, but... ...only the first part was Trudeau."

"Now accepting applications for a new best friend. Must be willing to let me put my fingers in your mouth. No Mexicans. No skanks. Por favor."

"It is divided in 2 parts - left & right. Unlike others your brain is a master piece, It is divided in 2 parts Left & Right. In left nothing is Right & in right nothing is Left!"

"People always give up on me when I show them these words. See if you can get the opposite of each word: Always Staying From Take Me Down"

"I hate it when people ask me where I'll be in 5 years. I don't have 2020 vision."

"China's rise is terrifying: look at this list of casualties from Chinese military interventions over the last three decades http://i.imgur.com/WFsyTn8.png"

"I was such a stud that I lasted 1 hour and 5 seconds in bed Thanks Day light saving"

"Conversations with my pets: Me: Please could you Dog: OF COURSE! Me: I haven't said what it Dog: I LOVE YOU! Me: Please could you Cat: No."