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Joke of the Day

"I was such a stud that I lasted 1 hour and 5 seconds in bed Thanks Day light saving"

"Me: Can I dip my breadstick in your Alfredo sauce? Him: Usually it's me asking you that. 13YO: SHUT UP. STOP IT RIGHT NOW!"

"Kissing 101: 1. Open your mouth 2. Wider, that's it. 3. Stick out your tongue 4. Then walk towards her and pray she doesn't run away."

"I was mugged by an artist last night.... he drew a gun on me"

"""Be cool, be cool, be cool"" ~me before I'm about to not be cool."

"Hear about the guy who broke into a drug store and stole all the Viagra? The police are looking for a hardened criminal."

"Two fish are in a tank One turns to the other and says: ""do you know how to drive this thing?"""

"My girlfriend tried to tell me an abuse joke But I beat her to the punch"

"Yo mama is so poor when her friend came over to use the bathroom she said ok choose a corner."

"I fall more in love with you each day, well, except yesterday. Yesterday you were really freakin' annoying."