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Joke of the Day

"[dentist chair] how's school? *I start talking, dentist notices his hand isn't in my mouth* oh sorry *puts hand in my mouth* how's school?"

"So, Burt and Ernie are just sitting at home, when Burt looks over at Ernie and asks, ""Hey Ernie, do you want to get some ice cream?"" Then Ernie said, ""Sure Burt."""

"How many chicken eggs does it take to screw in a lightbulb? Literally dozens."

"California a maltese dog cost around $1000, You can buy the same dog in Vietnam for 5 dollars and it includes a side of fries and a drink."

"Fact that will blow your mind away. Did you know that Oprah Winfrey contains enough air that it can be used to inhabit life on Mars by creating an atmosphere."

"Real women don't chase men. We set traps."

"What did you hear about the man who fell into the upholstery machine...? I heard that he was fully re-covered."

"What do you call 1000 black people buried up to their necks? Afroturf Also, I'm not racist. I have two color tvs at home."

"If I text you first you are probably amazing."

"Nothing stops me in my tracks faster than a five year old saying, ""I got you a present!"""