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Joke of the Day

"I have hit the age where sex and choosing the exact right size Tupperware for leftovers are equally satisfying."

"What do you use to gamble on vacation? Pair-a-dice!"

"At what age is it acceptable to tell a highway it's adopted?"

"[first date] Him: Let's take the stairs! Me: I think we should see other people."

"My wife lost interest in sex with me because... ..of my gut, but we still have one thing in common: Neither one of us has seen my dick in years."

"What if global warming *is* a hoax and we clean up our air and oceans, create millions of jobs, and become energy independent for nothing?"

"Did you know that all of the trigonometric functions are female? Yup, They all have periods!"

"They say alcohol kills people. Lets not forget how many people were born because of it."

"How do you figure out if Will Smith committed a crime? Dust for Fresh Prints! (i this version better than any snowstorm b.s.)"

"How high can Miss Piggy count? 68, because at 69 she gets a frog in her throat..."