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Joke of the Day
"[first date] Him: Let's take the stairs! Me: I think we should see other people."
Next Joke
"What do you tell a metal head who's walking on an icy street? Slip not."
"I wanted to break up, but I was a pussy... Who couldn't resist your pussy - said every man, ever. (verbatim from conversation with ex-gf today)"
"A man knocked on my door this morning, asking for a small donation towards the local swimming pool... So I gave him a glass of water."
"I was going to make a chemistry joke... but I didn't know if it would get a positive reaction."
"I was helping a Spanish guy load things in his car and he kept calling me names every time I did something nice. Everytime I helped him he called me a grassy-ass."
"A boy asks his mom, ""Why am I black and you're white?"" She says, ""Don't even go there. The way that party went, you're lucky you don't bark"""
"How do you get an 80 year-old woman to swear? How do you get an 80 year-old woman to yell ""F*ck""? You get another 80 year-old woman next to her to yell ""BINGO"""
"Saw a vanity license plate that said ""ILUVLUV."" I hope she luvs getting 4 new tires and a windshield."
"It's impressive how within three minutes of crawling into bed your brain can remind you of 23,472 things going wrong with your life."