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Joke of the Day

"My wife lost interest in sex with me because... ..of my gut, but we still have one thing in common: Neither one of us has seen my dick in years."

"""I think this cereal has gone bad."" *me drunk, eating Meow Mix*"

"Being eaten by zombies sounds less painful than running away from zombies."

"My dog ate itself I think he's Asian"

"My teacher in first grade said I was stupid for ""wanting to be a T-Rex"" when I grew up but she died last year so who's the stupid one now?"

"I wish I could replace my central nervous system with a central confidence system."

"Why doesn't Bill Cosby like women's flip flops? ...because he can't lace them."

"Can you say three two-letter words that mean small? Is it in?"

"What was Alex Rodriguez's last hit? Who gives a shit, he's finally done ruining the sport."

"I'm actually really happy with Trump's presidency so far. He's had the nuclear codes for a couple of days now and hasn't tweeted them yet."