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Joke of the Day

"Think most people would be both disappointed and relieved if they realized just how little other people care what they do."

"Waiter waiter there's a bee in my soup. Yes Sir it's the fly's day off."

"What does Taylor Swift say when going down a slide? Weeeeeeeeeee, are never never never, getting back together."

"The length of your iPhone cord, plus one inch, is how far away the outlet is from the hotel bedside table."

"What's the difference between a catfish and a lawyer? One's a slimy scum-sucking bottom-dwelling scavenger; the other is a fish."

"What do pothead barbarians say when 420 rolls around? 420 raze it!"

"Why do lesbians never cook? Because they eat out."

"HAHA ME AND MY NEW BOYFRIEND QUIT SMOKING TOGETHER NO ONE WILL GET MURDERED FOR SURE."

"I thought my wife had Tourette Syndrome. Turns out I am a cunt and she does want me to fuck off."

"Who is the oppostite of Cristopher Walken? Christopher Reeve"