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Joke of the Day

"*Santa lifts a rug while sweeping and finds a dusty, crumpled note* ""Please keep my family safe, love Bruce Wayne."" *Santa grows very pale*"

"Green smoothies because who has the time or energy to chew 17 cups of spinach/lettuce/kale"

"No one will get this.."

"Nothing intrigues me more than wondering who inspired the DO NOT DRINK stickers on the back of cement trucks."

"What happens when you cross the Atlantic Ocean with the Titanic? You get half way"

"You know why some people simply don't have a butt? Because they are on a gluten free diet."

"[I open my lunchbox to find pair of wife's underwear] But that means... [Cut to my wife opening her lunchbox to find a pair of my underwear]"

"I like my coffee like I like my slaves Free."

"What does it mean when a doctor has both hands on your shoulders? The Prostate exam isn't going he way you expected"

"Wife wants to relax today! Wife: Today, I want to relax, so I have brought three movie tickets. Husband: why three tickets? Wife: you and your parents."