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Joke of the Day

"Wife wants to relax today! Wife: Today, I want to relax, so I have brought three movie tickets. Husband: why three tickets? Wife: you and your parents."

Next Joke
 
"According to my doctor, it'd be healthiest to stay away from trans fats. I'm really going to miss tumblr."
"A fish swam into a wall... Dam."
"Heard they circlejerk here in reddit reddit in here circlejerk they heard"
"[NSFW] Why do women have legs? Have you seen the mess snails make?"
"Women always call me ugly until they find out how much money I make Then they call me ugly and poor"
"A bridge killed my family... We're arch enemies now."
"My pig stepped on a land mind under a tree... Now I have a porky pine."
"Why might Saturn's rings come loose? They're too close to Titan."
"""And make it obvious."" -what I assume some ladies getting plastic surgery say"